Welcome to The Blog O’ Obscurity!
I can’t think of any more wonderfully obscure topic to kick off this blog than one of my favorite movies of all time. Not favorite like “The Godfather
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Never heard of it? Exactly. That is why this is The Blog O’ Obscurity.
The ‘film’ ( I use the term loosely) begins in outer space with some New Wavy synthesizers rocking with the credits. Actually, the song sounds vaguely familiar. Turns out that the band is Real Life, who made it big in the 80’s with “Send Me an Angel.” I’m not saying that being featured in this movie in any way contributed to their lack of subsequent hits, but… Well, maybe I am saying that. This movie is nothing to include in your resume.
Anyway, through the vastness of space the title appears and is thoroughly smashed to pieces by a giant, flying, electric guitar. No, really. It’s even a “Flying-V” design to improve aerodynamics. (Not that there’s air in space.)
Inside this colossal musical instrument, a robot scans that galaxy for “Rock And Roll”. Strangely enough, he finds a duet from Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora. This has nothing at all to do with the rest of the movie, so just sit back and enjoy. Jermaine Jackson leads a gang of pseudo-Mad Max inspired punks along a beach when they encounter a gang riding mopeds dressed like nuns with too much eye makeup. Pia Zadora sits behind the leader of the Moped Nuns with silver eye shadow up to her hairline, but when Pia and Jermaine look upon each other, they are filled with an unquenchable yet forbidden desire. That’s what was probably written in the script. What we see is two people staring awkwardly at each other for some indeterminate amount of time. Long story short: Pia and Jermaine meet, fall in love, dance, and sing in harmony; the Moped Nun gang must now fight Jermaine’s gang with vicious dance high kicks; and then… Like I said, it doesn’t even relate to the rest of the movie.
So, the robot wakes up the alien crew (the band, Rhema) to tell them that he has located Rock And Roll on Earth. Rhema seems to be a cheaper and less talented version of Devo, and they subsequently break into an 80’s music video. We’ve now established the pattern this movie will follow: snippets of plot and dialogue sandwiched between music videos. Awful, terrible music videos. Hilariously overacted music videos. 80’s music videos.
Speaking of 80’s music videos, Dee Dee (Pia Zadora) is on the beach of Lake Erie and decides to dance the afternoon away with her boyfriend’s band (Jimmy & The Mustangs). This band combines the punk rockabilly of The Stray Cats with the hair of A Flock of Seagulls. Dee Dee’s boyfriend, Frankie (Craig Sheffer), shows up and shuts down the fun. Turns out, only Frankie is ‘allowed’ to sing in the band. (Even though he never actually does.)
Meanwhile, (and this movie does lots of ‘meanwhiles’) the Devo clones travel to Earth in a telephone booth transporter, transform their robot into a fire hydrant (eventually leading to gags involving parking tickets and urinating canines), and hit the town. When Abcd (Tom Nolan)(pronounced Absid; all the aliens have alphabetic names) sees Dee Dee for the first time he explodes, literally. Devo-band picks up the pieces and puts him back together in yet another music video. Eventually the aliens decide to play at the high school cotillion Battle of the Bands, and Abcd agrees to let Dee Dee sing with them.
Meanwhile, two chainsaw murderers escape from the local asylum, the bald one recognizable as the bald guy from the original “The Hills Have Eyes” (Michael Berryman). The psychos crash the party at the Battle of the Bands and interrupt Pia Zadora and all of the other 30 year old high schoolers in the middle of some bizarre “Don’t take your hands out of your pockets” dance. Dee Dee’s tomboyish best friend, Diane (Alison La Placa), is cornered by the bald psycho but ends up helping him fix his chainsaw in a mildly amusing scene soaked in obvious double entendre.
Meanwhile, a giant squid that we’ve occasionally glimpsed throughout the film wraps itself around the school. Dee Dee, Abcd, Frankie, Diane, and the bald psycho battle the squid to save the day.
Finding a copy of this ‘gem’ might prove difficult but is definitely worth it. The silliness of the plot combined with the constant music video interruptions makes this a completely unique experience.