My nemesis has returned. That dreaded creature that has turned many a blissful night into a nightmare of stinging pain. The ANT!!
We’ve been invaded. We threw a 409 volley (the all purpose cleaner) across their bow to dissuade their presence but they kept coming.
We startegically littered our counters and floors with land mines of ant bait, but they seem to have access to our mine maps. Every time we redeploy, their tactics change. It’s as if they’re reading our minds (or this blog post).
We planted and dusted the exterior of this domicile with a variety of chemical weapons to no avail.
Just a few days ago we feigned surrender by putting a cup of jelly laced juice outside to attract them and have them give away their supply line. It worked and we traced them back to HQ where we used weapons of mass destruction (a shovel and more poison) to annihilate them. For two glorious days we believed victory was ours.
And then, today, our hopes were dashed. Like a swarm of locusts (except no flying thankfully) they have regrouped and returned. Our kitchen sink seems to be their main objective. I’m seriously considering giving it over to them. Maybe we can hold the line at the kitchen but I don’t know if it’s realistic to try to defend the whole house talking.
I know it’s un-American to think in such a way but when you’ve been in the trenches like I have you start to think a little differently. You start to feel sorry for them. You start to scratch at any little thing. And you long for things to go back to the way they used to be when the kitchen didn’t crawl and an itch was just an itch.