She paused and politely corrected my pronunciation, “In – ter – net.”

For me, the very best one is a good back scratching. Don’t scratch my back while I’m driving or we’ll crash. Another is good food – the kind that’s freakishly delicious as well as good for me (at least kind of anyway) so a big artichoke or some nicely grilled steak are helpers in a good night’s sleep for me.

Any others out there?

Getting into the place is easy. There are clearly marked signs and wide entrances. Once in, however, it is often best to resign yourself to life at the mall. You may or may not find a place to park and you may or may not be able to find your car when you leave. (Just because you know for sure you went in the Green Garage does not mean that you are still in the same garage and there is never a notice of your passing from one garage to another.)

Should you manage to find your car and back out without hitting anyone, you have to deal with two way traffic in lanes designed for one way traffic. Everybody takes their half out of the middle. If you, at this point, think “I’ll just follow the signs that say ‘exit’, you will be sorely disappointed since they will take you along the most circuitous route possible. You may even pass one or two exits along the way (marked entrance only). If you persist, you will find your self at the same place you came in. Somehow, the once wide entrance has become a dangerously narrow exit and your car (no matter what car it is) doesn’t have the turning radius necessary to take the corner on the way out. You end up curbing it a bit and maybe taking a little off the side wall as well.

I tend to ride my bike to the mall now.

They were talking and dancing on the corner and I imagined that I was watching the beginning of new love. They would date, then marry and have kids and grandkids. They’ll tell everyone they met on a street corner and that it was love at first sight. Only they will know that they were twirling signs on that street corner and that it was less kismet and a desire to pay the bills that brought them together.

True love blooms on a street corner.

Really, this weekend was rather good.  I’m just so gosh darn tired.  I feel like I went on a really great vacation.  Which, as everyone knows, is the kind you get exhausted on.  Oh well.  Here’s to the long weekend!

The most inspiring thing I can think of to do at this moment is go to Target and buy dryer sheets. The problem is, I could probably think of a bunch of more interesting things to do but all of those come with financial guilt. Or parenting guilt. Or both.

For example: I could go for a car trip – I love those. BAM! Financial guilt – don’t want to spend the money on gas.

Another example: Take my daughter to a movie. BAM! Financial guilt mixed with parental guilt. Movies cost money and I could just wait for it to come out on DVD. Also, should I be taking a 3 year old to the movies when I can have her watching PBS at home?

I don’t even bother to mention that every time I get in the car I feel environmental guilt even though I did buy the most fuel efficient car I could find that seats 6 and isn’t and SUV. I’ve actually wasted part of my life contemplating whether or not it would be more environmentally beneficial to have two cars that are super fuel efficient (35mpg still) to transport us or if one car is the way to go. I’ll never get those moments back.

Did I mention I sometimes feel guilt about feeling guilty? I’m so screwed up.