I’ve been meaning to write this story down for awhile now. So here it goes.

A few years ago, I drove over to my friend Matt’s house. We were planning on working on a website together. However, on the way over a lightning storm knocked out the power at Matt’s house. When I arrived, I found the lights out and candles in every room. Matt told me that we could still work on his laptop, so we got to work.

A short time later I felt nature call. I took one of the candles from Matt’s room and made my way to the bathroom. I set the candle on the edge of the sink beside me and sat down on the toilet. In the middle of my time on the porcelain throne I thought that I saw something run across the floor, along the base of the bathtub, and behind me under the toilet. Now, it could have just been a flicker of the candle that tricked my eyes, but it could also have been a good-sized cockroach.

Well, better safe than sorry, I picked up the candle from the sink and leaned forward to look underneath me. I wasn’t really paying much attention to the candle, so as I leaned further and further forward, the liquid wax poured out of the candle and landed right between my feet. In my underwear.

Damn.

I thought to myself, “First things first, let’s finish up the business at hand.” So I finished what I had come in their for, flushed, washed my hands, and then stood in the bathroom pondering what to do.

Option 1: Pull up my underwear and ignore the problem.

Option 2: Try to scrape out most of the wax and hope for the best.

Option 3: Put my tightey whiteys in my pocket and go commando for the rest of the evening.

My main concern with the first option was the possibility of the wax bonding with my hair and causing pain when my underwear was next removed. I feared that the second option would lead to the same painful result. So I opted for option number three.

I left the bathroom with a smirk on my face and found Matt talking with his sister and her boyfriend. I was slightly embarrassed but also anxious to tell my amusing story to my friends.

“I’ve got a really funny story to tell you guys.”

It was at that moment that I realized that I had forgotten a very important step in the bathroom process. I quickly turned around and zipped up my zipper. I turned back around and said, “The story just a got a lot funnier.”

I began recounting the events of the past few minutes and watched as my friends slowly realized that, 1: I had no underwear on, and 2: I had been standing in front of them with my zipper down, and nothing separating them from my nether regions. Their faces were a mixture of growing laughter and horror.